Ella is SEVENTEEN!! If you need a moment to let that sink in, go ahead. You’re certainly not the only one! To be honest, I try not to think too deeply about it because I definitely end up in tears each time I contemplate how quickly the years have gone. She is officially in the homestretch to adulthood and that thought is, for lack of a more eloquent explanation, super scary. When they’re little it feels like you have forever to go but as the saying goes, “the days are long but the years are short” and that isn’t something we always truly appreciate when we’re in the thick of it. To be honest, I want the time back and I want to see my baby again. Not because I’m not fully in love with Ella’s current version but because I know there’s no reliving all the ages and stages she’s already traversed. And now I’m crying. 😂
On a happier note, Ella is wonderful. She is extremely focused on her future while still maintaining her love for adventure, her silly sense of humor and her endless creativity. When she isn’t stressing over her AP classes (read: mostly acing it but always anxious about it), she’s drawing, painting, making jewelry, (mainly virtually) hanging with friends or playing her favorite video games – including our mutual love Animal Crossing: New Horizons. She has become my mini bestie no matter how much I try to maintain the mom line or apply the old “you shouldn’t be your child’s friend” theory. I remind her often that one day when she’s older she may wish I did so many things differently as her mother but for now we’re “vibing” as I think her generation would say (she won’t hesitate to correct me if I’m wrong) and I’m embracing that closeness.
As any mama does, I want so many things for her but more than my own hopes and wishes, I want whatever she wants for herself. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in envisioning ideal lives for our kids but their happiness, independent of ours and in all its individuality, is really the goal in my opinion. I pray that Ella – and Hendrix + Sadie too, of course – locates the things that truly light her up and finds the ways in which she can make her unique mark on this world. And I hope the lessons, values and love I’ve tried to provide her outweigh any wackiness she’s also definitely inherited from me and help to further her pursuit of a life she’s happy to live. To quote Doctor Strange, we’re in the endgame now but Ella’s just getting started and I can’t wait to witness all the amazing things she does next.
Happy birthday Ellie Bellie! I love you entirely and endlessly. If you believe in yourself even half as much as we all believe in you, you’ll do just fine. Now please stop growing up – or at least do it a little more slowly this year than the past seventeen. Thanks, Mom
P.S. For anyone wondering, all the decorations above are from Party City! The rainbow wall piece was a bit of an art project (I was expecting to just pull it out of the bag and stick it to the wall) but it was still easy to assemble and I enjoy it so much that I kinda want to leave it up for the rest of the summer!
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