I’ve heard it said that you should “start before you’re ready” otherwise you may continue on readying yourself for an eternity rather than actually beginning at all. For me, starting isn’t as big an issue as stopping and then starting again. I can be ready and start but then things happen in life that lead me to feel unready or unworthy or too overwhelmed to carry on. Once I steady and re-ready myself, I try to get back on track until the next bump in road triggers the whole cycle again.
In almost all instances, this cycle includes not taking care of myself, not going above + beyond for my loved ones like I’d like to, not staying in contact with my family or friends, not wanting to venture out of my house and not showing up on social media – or this blog – because I feel ashamed for not having a life that’s as well-curated as the pictures and words I like to share in these spaces. I don’t ever wish to come across as perfect – I’m not and don’t pretend to be – but it’s always my goal to put mostly happy (and hopefully high quality) things into the world. And, when I start to feel like the sadder life bits are eclipsing the happier ones or like I shouldn’t share the happy aspects when there are bigger, more important and potentially negative things that need addressing, I stop feeling like I have the right to keep going. That has been my battle for years now and my biggest road block to writing this blog. As I type this, I’m unready all over again. I’m hurting and tired and fearful and a little lacking in the hope department right now but I know that continuing to wait until I’m ready and re-ready and ready once more has never worked.
So here I am to start *before* I’m ready this time and to attempt to actually stick around when I inevitably reach the less prepped and polished parts of life’s process. I can only hope that you’ll still have me after so many resets and that you’ll come along as I try to create a happy little place here that we can all enjoy. And, as I’m sure I’m not alone in this stop-and-go cycle, I hope this serves as some manner of permission to begin again if you’re experiencing something similar – even and perhaps especially if you’re not presently up for the task. In keeping with my new “keep going” method, I’ll have another post here shortly as well as on Instagram so check back as you’re able and we’ll chat more soon…
Is there something you’re struggling to start? Are you a start-and-stopper like me? Let me know in the comments below…
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